Betrayal.

Day fades to night. 

Clouds blend into stars.

And nothing has changed. 

You're still the heartless soul you were yesterday. 

I'm still the pathetic fool I am today. 

When will I learn to let go?

Let go of the hope that you care. 

That you care about me just as much as I care about you. 

When will I learn to stop?

Stop expecting so much from you. 

I should've known from the beginning.

Known that all you care about is yourself. 

How could I have been so blind?

And not seen what was coming. 

I've been broken too many times. 

There's only so much betrayal my heart can take.

It's Not Over.

I haven't posted in two weeks,
but it feels like it's been two months.
First semester is over.
A semester year of junior year is gone.
A semester I'll never live through again.
Not that I'd want to live it one more time.
But it's still not over.
There's still one more semester of this year.
And then two semeseters of senior year.
Then eight years in university.
When does it ever end?
Is it ever over?

Hold On.

Dear Clock,
Can you please slow down?
I can't keep up with you.
Sometimes you move so slowly,
and other times, so quickly.
I want this year to be over soon,
but I want more time too.
Can you please hold on?
I'm not ready yet.
Sometimes weeks feel like days,
and other times, days like years.
I want to move forward,
but I want to cherish the moment too.

I Don't Know

It's been more than a month since I last posted.
I just don't know what to write about anymore.
I have so many drafts waiting to be written,
but for some reason I can't pick up where I left off.
Looking back at my posts from sophomore year, I envy that girl.
That girl who had the time to reach within her heart and pour her soul out into words.
That girl who found comfort in writing.
That girl who felt required to post at least once a week.
I don't know where that girl went.
I can't seem to find her.
I hope she's still inside.
I hope I find her soon.
Because I don't know what I'll do without her.

The Clock Strikes 12

The clock strikes 12.
So make a wish.

Wish those bad memories away.
Wish those good memories will stay.
Tomorrow will be another day.

Midnight is supposed to be magical.
Or so they say.
It’s past 12 and nothing’s different.

I’m sitting here, waiting.
Waiting for something to happen.
Waiting on the world to change.

Nothing’s happening.
Nothing’s changing.

Another year has come and gone.
I’ve accomplished nothing.
I won’t look back at 2008.

There’s nothing to look back on.
Nothing to feel proud of.
Nothing to remember.
Nothing to look forward to.
It’s all the same.

The clock strikes 12.
But I can’t make a wish.

Tears and Rain

Tears and Rain.
Why did the rain go away?
It hasn't washed away all the grief yet.
It hasn't even wiped out the world's sorrows.
Why did it go away quicker than it came?
I was waiting for the raindrops.
Waiting for them to leave their pure trails behind.
The rain is gone. All I have left are tears.
Why are the tears still here?
The tears that cleanse my soul.
The tears that rid my heart of hatred.
Why don't I appreciate these tears enough?
I was dreading these teardrops.
Dreading that they'd give my true feelings away.
The rain has gone. But the tears are still here.

"The rain reminds the earth that nature is
alive and tears remind the body that the soul
is still alive."- Anoymous

Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

I walk outside to see a flaming ball of red. I can't believe it's the sun. Every breath I take is choked up with the scent of ashes. Fire, Fire go away and don't come back another day. Return the sky to its normal hue and take your dreaded ashes away with you. These horrible ashes. They're the remains of burnt memories. The remains of love, hope, dreams and everything in between.

So many of my friends have become homeless overnight. Others fleeing for their lives. How can you be so cruel? Your scorching flames have no mercy. Your choking smoke has no compassion. I sit here and pray for those who have no more hope. I sit here and hope for those who can do nothing but pray.

In these times all I can remember is the last verse of a nursery rhyme: "Ashes, ashes, we all fall down."