It was no joke when people told me junior year was the hardest year of high school. It's been four days and I'm already exhausted. But on the bright side, there's only 176 more to go. 176 more days of homework, tests and quizzes in every single class. Despite all that I amaze myself.
How easily I give in to procrastination. I can already see that I have to change my habits quick or suffer. It's 9:00 and I haven't started any of my homework yet. What am I doing instead? Updating the Baron Banner blogs. Posting some random post on my blog. Reading random news on Yahoo. I really should get to work. But why is procrastination still so tempting?
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Rainy Day
It's a spectacular day in May.
Yet here I am sitting inside,
gazing longingly out the window.
Silently watching the raindrops
as they leave their perfect mark.
Each beautiful in its own way.
Coming down to wash all the
Earth's sorrows and grief away.
Each drop brings another bit of
hope, of change, for a better day.
Nature's lovely way to clean and
sustain itself every now and then.
I forget all about missing the sun.
There's always so much to wish for,
but there's even more to appreciate.
So instead of praying for the sun,
I choose to go out in the rain.
Yet here I am sitting inside,
gazing longingly out the window.
Silently watching the raindrops
as they leave their perfect mark.
Each beautiful in its own way.
Coming down to wash all the
Earth's sorrows and grief away.
Each drop brings another bit of
hope, of change, for a better day.
Nature's lovely way to clean and
sustain itself every now and then.
I forget all about missing the sun.
There's always so much to wish for,
but there's even more to appreciate.
So instead of praying for the sun,
I choose to go out in the rain.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Empty
Empty.
There's nothing left.
No happiness or peace
No sorrow or grief either .
Not a bit of comfort.
Not a hint of torment.
Nope, there's nothing there.
Try and fill it with love, hope, anything.
Try and fail.
For there's one little tear in that heart's lining.
Now there's no chance for keeping anything anymore.
And what's worse than a heart full of pain?
A heart full of hate maybe?
No, it's an empty heart.
That's what hurts more than anything.
There's nothing left.
No happiness or peace
No sorrow or grief either .
Not a bit of comfort.
Not a hint of torment.
Nope, there's nothing there.
Try and fill it with love, hope, anything.
Try and fail.
For there's one little tear in that heart's lining.
Now there's no chance for keeping anything anymore.
And what's worse than a heart full of pain?
A heart full of hate maybe?
No, it's an empty heart.
That's what hurts more than anything.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Going Away
Something a friend of mine wrote, it really touched me:
I never knew how much I'd regret going away. Senior year of high school that's all I wanted. I just wanted to go as far as I possibly could. How I wish I had been a bit more thoughtful. If only I knew how much I meant to you. As an only child, I didn't have any siblings to miss,and I didn't mind leaving you both behind.
To tell you the truth mom and dad that's why I left. We always had our differences, for me they were too much to handle, but you always said that wasn't true. How was I supposed to know you would leave me? How was I to know I would never see you both again. I thought I'd leave and time would fix everything. I guess time got ahead of me, taking you both away before our wounds even had the chance to heal. I planned to come back soon, but I was too late.
I'm sorry for not understanding, I'm sorry for leaving. I was the only light of your eyes, the only pride of your lives. And I left you both alone to pursue my own life and dreams. It was only later that I discovered your true pride in me. The way you secretly boasted to your friends about your perfect daughter. Yet you never wanted me to be vain, so you never said anything to me. And now you both are gone forever, never to come back.
Is this how you felt when I left you that one September day? Oh mom, who will scold me for not working hard enough now? Oh dad, who will remind me to always do the best I possibly can? I misunderstood your constant advice and encouragement as constant disappointment and weariness of me, if only I knew. Will you ever forgive me? I never meant to hurt you both.
I pray that every child will realize how much their parents love them. Though it may not seem like it at times, they're always proud of you. They say one can never truly appreciate something until its gone. Please treasure your parents while you can and take my experience as advice. I hope no one ever has to go through the regret I feel every day.
I never knew how much I'd regret going away. Senior year of high school that's all I wanted. I just wanted to go as far as I possibly could. How I wish I had been a bit more thoughtful. If only I knew how much I meant to you. As an only child, I didn't have any siblings to miss,and I didn't mind leaving you both behind.
To tell you the truth mom and dad that's why I left. We always had our differences, for me they were too much to handle, but you always said that wasn't true. How was I supposed to know you would leave me? How was I to know I would never see you both again. I thought I'd leave and time would fix everything. I guess time got ahead of me, taking you both away before our wounds even had the chance to heal. I planned to come back soon, but I was too late.
I'm sorry for not understanding, I'm sorry for leaving. I was the only light of your eyes, the only pride of your lives. And I left you both alone to pursue my own life and dreams. It was only later that I discovered your true pride in me. The way you secretly boasted to your friends about your perfect daughter. Yet you never wanted me to be vain, so you never said anything to me. And now you both are gone forever, never to come back.
Is this how you felt when I left you that one September day? Oh mom, who will scold me for not working hard enough now? Oh dad, who will remind me to always do the best I possibly can? I misunderstood your constant advice and encouragement as constant disappointment and weariness of me, if only I knew. Will you ever forgive me? I never meant to hurt you both.
I pray that every child will realize how much their parents love them. Though it may not seem like it at times, they're always proud of you. They say one can never truly appreciate something until its gone. Please treasure your parents while you can and take my experience as advice. I hope no one ever has to go through the regret I feel every day.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Dear Diary
Dear Diary,
Where have you gone? It's now I need you most. I need someone to listen, someone to understand. Your comforting pages, your perfect lines. Where are they now? You were my shelter in the storm, my candle in the dark. So where are you? Have you given up on me too? Am I that hopeless that you've deserted me like everyone else? You were there through thick and thin, through day and night, keeping my every secret safe. But why have you chosen now to disappear? Was my frustration too strong for your pages? Were my tears too many for you to absorb? Were my words too mixed up for your perfection? Were my thoughts too confusing for you understand? I'll try to do better, I promise you I will. Just give me another chance.
Where have you gone? It's now I need you most. I need someone to listen, someone to understand. Your comforting pages, your perfect lines. Where are they now? You were my shelter in the storm, my candle in the dark. So where are you? Have you given up on me too? Am I that hopeless that you've deserted me like everyone else? You were there through thick and thin, through day and night, keeping my every secret safe. But why have you chosen now to disappear? Was my frustration too strong for your pages? Were my tears too many for you to absorb? Were my words too mixed up for your perfection? Were my thoughts too confusing for you understand? I'll try to do better, I promise you I will. Just give me another chance.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Faultlessly Ignorant
You say I’m different. I know that perfectly well. You say I’m oppressed. I say I’m protected. You say I have no rights. I say I am freer than free. You pity me. I don’t need your sympathy. You scorn me. I will never understand why. You whisper and glare. I only raise my head higher. You stare judging only what you see. I’m not surprised by your reaction.
You say you know everything. I say you will never understand. You say I can never be one of you. I am completely fine with that. You believe there is a huge difference between us. I think otherwise. You say I’ll always be an outcast. I’ve already chosen and know people will always treat me differently. You do not understand my choices. I cannot explain to you the virtue of modesty. You do not understand the strength of my belief. I know what you think of it. You say I’m a slave of misery. I say I’m a daughter of liberty. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I now know why you misunderstand.
You only believe what you’ve been taught. I too follow my own beliefs. You with your misunderstandings and stereotypes. I with my different faith and actions. You think we can never get along. I ask the simple question: Why? You think you know all about me. I think differently. You do not know me yet. I know it’s hard for you to try. You will never get past my differences. I will only try to make you understand.
You cannot see how I could have chosen my belief. I know it’s easier for you to think I’ve been forced upon it. You repel my attempts to explain. I only persist in making you see. You can’t accept that your presumptions are wrong. I understand your confusion. You’ve been told something else. I tell you a completely different story. You don’t know who to believe. I try to make this easier. You do not see from my perspective. I cannot force you to understand me. You only understand what you want to hear. I cannot do anything about that. You won’t even try to understand anymore. I have so much to tell you, if only you’d listen. You walk away, content with your own assumptions of me. I sigh and hope that one day you will understand I have chosen who I want to be.
You say you know everything. I say you will never understand. You say I can never be one of you. I am completely fine with that. You believe there is a huge difference between us. I think otherwise. You say I’ll always be an outcast. I’ve already chosen and know people will always treat me differently. You do not understand my choices. I cannot explain to you the virtue of modesty. You do not understand the strength of my belief. I know what you think of it. You say I’m a slave of misery. I say I’m a daughter of liberty. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I now know why you misunderstand.
You only believe what you’ve been taught. I too follow my own beliefs. You with your misunderstandings and stereotypes. I with my different faith and actions. You think we can never get along. I ask the simple question: Why? You think you know all about me. I think differently. You do not know me yet. I know it’s hard for you to try. You will never get past my differences. I will only try to make you understand.
You cannot see how I could have chosen my belief. I know it’s easier for you to think I’ve been forced upon it. You repel my attempts to explain. I only persist in making you see. You can’t accept that your presumptions are wrong. I understand your confusion. You’ve been told something else. I tell you a completely different story. You don’t know who to believe. I try to make this easier. You do not see from my perspective. I cannot force you to understand me. You only understand what you want to hear. I cannot do anything about that. You won’t even try to understand anymore. I have so much to tell you, if only you’d listen. You walk away, content with your own assumptions of me. I sigh and hope that one day you will understand I have chosen who I want to be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)