Sabrina's Thoughts in Words

Lucky.

2009-07-09T15:40:00.001-07:00

Lost in an image, in a dream. But there's no one to wake her up. And the world is spinning and she keeps on winning. But tell me, what happens when it stops? And they say... she's so lucky. She's a star. But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking, if there's nothing missing in my life, then why do these tears come at night?

They say she's so lucky, but they don't know what lucky is. They're too self-absorbed, too self-centered to look past their own issues and see those of others. They think everyone else is perfect and only they are miserable. They're too wrapped up in their own world to view perfection as just a myth. They'll never see it like that because they'll never want to. They're too busy yearning for others' pity, for others' sympathy to realize that they're not the only ones who cry at night.

They'll blame her for not understanding, for not caring, for not listening but they'll never see that she too wants to be heard. Maybe she's just tired of listening and wants to speak. They judge her feigned smile as arrogance, and it never crosses their mind that she too finds it hard to be happy when her heart is broken beyond repair. She just wants the same sympathy that she always gives.

But her wants are in vein. Her sorrows are always inferior to their's. Her worries always dismissed. Her concerns mocked. How would she know what miserable is? She's so lucky. She's a star. How superficial they are. They think she's lucky just because she never wanted to burden others with her problems. How long can she keep it inside? She is human too and tries to share her misery. When she does, it sickens her to see that they are not burdened, but overjoyed by her problems. Ecstatic to hear about her pain.

They feed off the misery of others, these people. Always attempting to heigten their own self-esteem, to find reassurance for their own insecurities. Running from one person to the next, groveling for pity, no amount of reassurance is enough, they need more and more. Draining one person after another of their sympathy. It's sickening. They're a different class of conceited. They don't boast their accomplishments and successes in hopes of praise and adoration. No, they are much worse than that. They boast their failures and mistakes in hopes of condolences and commiserations.

In all of this they forget about others. It's always their problems that come first, their problems are always so much more important. They are too full of themselves to understand that they can never be heard unless they listen. She tries to explain, but they hate her even more for that. They don't even want to listen to her anymore. Their insecurities feed off pity, they have none to spare. No sympathy or pity to give for they feel they're the only ones who deserve it.

So they'll never know. Never know what the "lucky" go through. Never know that pain and suffering are universal. There is no superiority in pain. No one's problems should be more important than any one else's. They'll never understand that. They keep complaining to her and blaming her for not listening, when they are the ones who don't listen. They're too busy pitying themselves to see she is slowly dying on the inside and all the "luck" in the world can't stop that.

There must be some kind of way out of here.

2009-07-01T22:41:00.001-07:00

Lyin' on the floor. Surrounded, surrounded. Why'd you have to wait? Half the time the world is ending. Truth is I am done pretending. Too much time, too long defending. But it's time to face the truth, that it's too late to apologize, too late. I said it's too late to apologize, too late. Too late tonight to drag the past out into the light. We're one but we're not the same. You know what you want but how long can you wait?

Wait for you. If you think I'm fine, it just ain't true. Truth hurts. I got reason to believe don't stop believin'. Hold on to the feelin'. Where are those happy days? They seem so hard to find. Do you remember the time? Those sweet memories will always be dear to me. You wanna make a memory. You wanna steal a piece of time. You can't always get what you want.

You can't always get what you want. I was counting on forever, now I'll never know. I can't even breathe. Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air? If I should die before I wake, it's 'cause I don't want to fight, I'm tired of being sorry. And I got tired of waiting. Wondering if you were ever coming around. So don't you ever come around here. Don't wanna see your face, you better disappear. There must be some kind of way out of here.

Betrayal.

2009-03-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

Day fades to night.

Clouds blend into stars.

And nothing has changed.

You're still the heartless soul you were yesterday.

I'm still the pathetic fool I am today.

When will I learn to let go?

Let go of the hope that you care.

That you care about me just as much as I care about you.

When will I learn to stop?

Stop expecting so much from you.

I should've known from the beginning.

Known that all you care about is yourself.

How could I have been so blind?

And not seen what was coming.

I've been broken too many times.

There's only so much betrayal my heart can take.

It's Not Over.

2009-02-18T23:06:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in two weeks,
but it feels like it's been two months.
First semester is over.
A semester year of junior year is gone.
A semester I'll never live through again.
Not that I'd want to live it one more time.
But it's still not over.
There's still one more semester of this year.
And then two semeseters of senior year.
Then eight years in university.
When does it ever end?
Is it ever over?

Hold On.

2009-02-02T22:56:00.000-08:00

Dear Clock,
Can you please slow down?
I can't keep up with you.
Sometimes you move so slowly,
and other times, so quickly.
I want this year to be over soon,
but I want more time too.
Can you please hold on?
I'm not ready yet.
Sometimes weeks feel like days,
and other times, days like years.
I want to move forward,
but I want to cherish the moment too.

I Don't Know

2009-02-02T22:47:00.000-08:00

It's been more than a month since I last posted.
I just don't know what to write about anymore.
I have so many drafts waiting to be written,
but for some reason I can't pick up where I left off.
Looking back at my posts from sophomore year, I envy that girl.
That girl who had the time to reach within her heart and pour her soul out into words.
That girl who found comfort in writing.
That girl who felt required to post at least once a week.
I don't know where that girl went.
I can't seem to find her.
I hope she's still inside.
I hope I find her soon.
Because I don't know what I'll do without her.

The Clock Strikes 12

2009-01-01T00:26:00.000-08:00

The clock strikes 12.
So make a wish.

Wish those bad memories away.
Wish those good memories will stay.
Tomorrow will be another day.

Midnight is supposed to be magical.
Or so they say.
It’s past 12 and nothing’s different.

I’m sitting here, waiting.
Waiting for something to happen.
Waiting on the world to change.

Nothing’s happening.
Nothing’s changing.

Another year has come and gone.
I’ve accomplished nothing.
I won’t look back at 2008.

There’s nothing to look back on.
Nothing to feel proud of.
Nothing to remember.
Nothing to look forward to.
It’s all the same.

The clock strikes 12.
But I can’t make a wish.

Tears and Rain

2008-11-29T00:54:00.000-08:00

Tears and Rain.
Why did the rain go away?
It hasn't washed away all the grief yet.
It hasn't even wiped out the world's sorrows.
Why did it go away quicker than it came?
I was waiting for the raindrops.
Waiting for them to leave their pure trails behind.
The rain is gone. All I have left are tears.
Why are the tears still here?
The tears that cleanse my soul.
The tears that rid my heart of hatred.
Why don't I appreciate these tears enough?
I was dreading these teardrops.
Dreading that they'd give my true feelings away.
The rain has gone. But the tears are still here.

"The rain reminds the earth that nature is
alive and tears remind the body that the soul
is still alive."- Anoymous

Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

2008-11-15T21:43:00.000-08:00

I walk outside to see a flaming ball of red. I can't believe it's the sun. Every breath I take is choked up with the scent of ashes. Fire, Fire go away and don't come back another day. Return the sky to its normal hue and take your dreaded ashes away with you. These horrible ashes. They're the remains of burnt memories. The remains of love, hope, dreams and everything in between.

So many of my friends have become homeless overnight. Others fleeing for their lives. How can you be so cruel? Your scorching flames have no mercy. Your choking smoke has no compassion. I sit here and pray for those who have no more hope. I sit here and hope for those who can do nothing but pray.

In these times all I can remember is the last verse of a nursery rhyme: "Ashes, ashes, we all fall down."

Why?

2008-11-15T16:39:00.000-08:00

Why are you always better than me?
Why do your achievements always shadow mine?
Why aren't I good enough?
Why is everything I do no surprise?
Why am I so nice to you when I know you'll stab me
as soon as I turn around?
Why am I so honest to you?
Why is it I know you lie yet never say anything?
Why haven't I told you how much I hate your lies?
Why don't I have the courage to stand up to you?
Why do you think I have no heart?
Why don't you understand I, too, cry at night?
Why are you so stubborn?
Why do I always give in?
Why can't I control myself anymore?
Why am I having more and more regrets?
Why? Why? Why?
Why can't I be who I want to be?

JV Tennis Makes it to League

2008-11-05T22:09:00.000-08:00

Something I forgot to publish, I found it today faithfully waiting for me in my drafts. Thanks Rachel McMillen for your edits and advice on how to write a sports blog!

JV Tennis Makes it to League

On November 5, Fountain Valley's junior varsity team competed in the league semi-finals at Edison. Ranked fourth in the league, the FV girls played against some of the best girls in Orange County, including girls from Esperanza, Los Alamitos, Newport Harbor, Edison and Marina.

FV started out with 6 spots total, three doubles and three singles. Unfortunately though, they lost 3 spots after the first round. Doubles players Alaa Abu-Adas (’10), Lillian Pham (’10), Kinsey Brose (’10) and Komal Ram (’11) as well as singles player Julie Le (’10) put up a good fight, but it wasn't enough to beat Newport Harbor, Los Alamitos or Edison.

Doubles players Tiffany Le (’11) and Darlene Tieu (’11) had better luck though, beating Newport Harbor 8-7 and moving into Round 2. Singles player Marian Bhan (’11) won a close match against Newport Harbor and Tran Phan (’10), also a singles player, crushed Marina 8-1. Both players also moved into Round 2.

Round 2 was tough and unfortunately the Barons’ singles could not beat the Griffins singles to win the semi-finals.

However, across the court Le and Tieu were victorious in both their doubles matches against Esperanza, the top school in league. Scoring 6-2 in the first match and 6-3 in the second one, the doubles team ensured their spot in the finals tomorrow.

The girls did their best and though they were fourth in league, they beat many players from the top three schools. The girls JV team hasn't had a final spot in league for years so it will make for some very exciting matches.

Election 2008

2008-11-03T19:03:00.000-08:00

The election's tomorrow.
Who will I vote for?
I frankly do not care who wins.
I don't care who runs this country.
Call me ignorant. Call me what you want.
That still won't make me care.
Why?
Because I want someone who will help me.
I want someone I can believe in.
Someone who won't let me down.
Someone who can really bring change.
Change. Change. That's all I've heard.
Stop telling me what you WILL do, show
me what you ARE doing.
I want someone who will end world hunger.
Someone who can stand up to cancer.
Go on with the war, taking lives is easy,
it's all you know how to do.
Ever tried saving them?
I want someone to cure our country of its
worst disease - hatred.
Someone who will fight for me.
Someone who can put a smile on every
orphan's face.
Have you ever thought the millions you
spend on your campaign can be used to
save lives?
I want someone who's strong enough to say
the truth.
Someone who will stand up when all have fallen.
I'm tired of your lies, do you honestly expect me
to believe you?
Maybe I expect too much.
But look who I'm expecting it from?
If the head of the country has the power
to destroy thousands of innocent lives,
then he has the power to save thousands
more.
If he can afford to waste billions on war,
he can spend billions on alleviating poverty.
Go ahead. Call me what you want.
But I have my own reasons for not
supporting either candidate.

Not Again.

2008-10-13T02:10:00.000-07:00

Here I am posting on my blog at two in the morning.
Why do some things never change?
I try not to procrastinate. I really do.
But something's not working because four hours before school,
I still have four subjects worth of homework left.
I envy people who manage their time well.
I know I can accomplish so much more if only I organize myself.
Sigh Well I should stop complaining on my blog and start working.
I'm am not looking forward to the rest of my junior year.

Exhausted.

2008-09-02T20:14:00.001-07:00

It was no joke when people told me junior year was the hardest year of high school. It's been four days and I'm already exhausted. But on the bright side, there's only 176 more to go. 176 more days of homework, tests and quizzes in every single class. Despite all that I amaze myself.

How easily I give in to procrastination. I can already see that I have to change my habits quick or suffer. It's 9:00 and I haven't started any of my homework yet. What am I doing instead? Updating the Baron Banner blogs. Posting some random post on my blog. Reading random news on Yahoo. I really should get to work. But why is procrastination still so tempting?

2008-06-12T15:23:00.001-07:00

school.is.finally.over.

Rainy Day

2008-05-22T18:31:00.001-07:00

It's a spectacular day in May.
Yet here I am sitting inside,
gazing longingly out the window.
Silently watching the raindrops
as they leave their perfect mark.
Each beautiful in its own way.
Coming down to wash all the
Earth's sorrows and grief away.
Each drop brings another bit of
hope, of change, for a better day.
Nature's lovely way to clean and
sustain itself every now and then.
I forget all about missing the sun.
There's always so much to wish for,
but there's even more to appreciate.
So instead of praying for the sun,
I choose to go out in the rain.

Empty

2008-04-23T20:51:00.000-07:00

Empty.
There's nothing left.
No happiness or peace
No sorrow or grief either .
Not a bit of comfort.
Not a hint of torment.
Nope, there's nothing there.
Try and fill it with love, hope, anything.
Try and fail.
For there's one little tear in that heart's lining.
Now there's no chance for keeping anything anymore.
And what's worse than a heart full of pain?
A heart full of hate maybe?
No, it's an empty heart.
That's what hurts more than anything.

Going Away

2008-04-17T17:01:00.000-07:00

Something a friend of mine wrote, it really touched me:

I never knew how much I'd regret going away. Senior year of high school that's all I wanted. I just wanted to go as far as I possibly could. How I wish I had been a bit more thoughtful. If only I knew how much I meant to you. As an only child, I didn't have any siblings to miss,and I didn't mind leaving you both behind.

To tell you the truth mom and dad that's why I left. We always had our differences, for me they were too much to handle, but you always said that wasn't true. How was I supposed to know you would leave me? How was I to know I would never see you both again. I thought I'd leave and time would fix everything. I guess time got ahead of me, taking you both away before our wounds even had the chance to heal. I planned to come back soon, but I was too late.

I'm sorry for not understanding, I'm sorry for leaving. I was the only light of your eyes, the only pride of your lives. And I left you both alone to pursue my own life and dreams. It was only later that I discovered your true pride in me. The way you secretly boasted to your friends about your perfect daughter. Yet you never wanted me to be vain, so you never said anything to me. And now you both are gone forever, never to come back.

Is this how you felt when I left you that one September day? Oh mom, who will scold me for not working hard enough now? Oh dad, who will remind me to always do the best I possibly can? I misunderstood your constant advice and encouragement as constant disappointment and weariness of me, if only I knew. Will you ever forgive me? I never meant to hurt you both.

I pray that every child will realize how much their parents love them. Though it may not seem like it at times, they're always proud of you. They say one can never truly appreciate something until its gone. Please treasure your parents while you can and take my experience as advice. I hope no one ever has to go through the regret I feel every day.

Dear Diary

2008-04-14T22:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,
Where have you gone? It's now I need you most. I need someone to listen, someone to understand. Your comforting pages, your perfect lines. Where are they now? You were my shelter in the storm, my candle in the dark. So where are you? Have you given up on me too? Am I that hopeless that you've deserted me like everyone else? You were there through thick and thin, through day and night, keeping my every secret safe. But why have you chosen now to disappear? Was my frustration too strong for your pages? Were my tears too many for you to absorb? Were my words too mixed up for your perfection? Were my thoughts too confusing for you understand? I'll try to do better, I promise you I will. Just give me another chance.

Faultlessly Ignorant

2008-03-28T10:37:00.000-07:00

You say I’m different. I know that perfectly well. You say I’m oppressed. I say I’m protected. You say I have no rights. I say I am freer than free. You pity me. I don’t need your sympathy. You scorn me. I will never understand why. You whisper and glare. I only raise my head higher. You stare judging only what you see. I’m not surprised by your reaction.

You say you know everything. I say you will never understand. You say I can never be one of you. I am completely fine with that. You believe there is a huge difference between us. I think otherwise. You say I’ll always be an outcast. I’ve already chosen and know people will always treat me differently. You do not understand my choices. I cannot explain to you the virtue of modesty. You do not understand the strength of my belief. I know what you think of it. You say I’m a slave of misery. I say I’m a daughter of liberty. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I now know why you misunderstand.

You only believe what you’ve been taught. I too follow my own beliefs. You with your misunderstandings and stereotypes. I with my different faith and actions. You think we can never get along. I ask the simple question: Why? You think you know all about me. I think differently. You do not know me yet. I know it’s hard for you to try. You will never get past my differences. I will only try to make you understand.

You cannot see how I could have chosen my belief. I know it’s easier for you to think I’ve been forced upon it. You repel my attempts to explain. I only persist in making you see. You can’t accept that your presumptions are wrong. I understand your confusion. You’ve been told something else. I tell you a completely different story. You don’t know who to believe. I try to make this easier. You do not see from my perspective. I cannot force you to understand me. You only understand what you want to hear. I cannot do anything about that. You won’t even try to understand anymore. I have so much to tell you, if only you’d listen. You walk away, content with your own assumptions of me. I sigh and hope that one day you will understand I have chosen who I want to be.

What is Love?

2008-02-24T22:34:00.000-08:00

Love is hate. Love is passion.
Love is blind. Love is all-seeing.
Love is deaf. Love is all-hearing.
Love is agony. Love is yearning.
Love is pain. Love is comfort.
Love is torture. Love is relief.
Love is weak. Love is valiant.
Love is grief. Love is happiness.
Love is sorrow. Love is joy.
Love is tears. Love is laughter.
Love is shapeless. Love is unique.
Love is many. Love is one.
Love is revolting. Love is beautiful.
Love is yours. Love is mine.

Silent Dreams

2008-02-14T21:00:00.000-08:00

All those beautiful wishes you kept inside,
You thought they were too embarrassing to tell.
All those special hopes you'd always hide,
You were too shy to come out of that shell.

All those unique memories you stowed away,
I guess they were too overwhelming for you to show.
All those times you thought it would never be okay,
You must have thought that nobody would ever know.

You didn't know there was someone who cared,
Someone who heard your silent dreams, your soundless calls.
You didn't know there was someone who wished you had shared,
Someone who broke through your mind's impregnable walls.

Remember the friend who never minded what you thought,
The friend who blindly followed you, trusting your quiet pleas.
It was always a true friendship, not love, that you sought,
For the one who who truly cares, is the only one that sees.

Helpless

2008-01-29T18:12:00.000-08:00

Well I guess it's that time of year again.
Everyone's coughing and sneezing, temperatures rising.
Unfortunately, I'm one of those helpess victims.
Attacked by some sort of viral army that's taking over my body.
It's at times like this I realize how helpless I am.
I have the ability to conquer my fears and choose what's right and wrong.
I feel so powerful as a human being, the highest race on this planet.
Yet one little cold can turn this powerful creature into a helpless mess.
I become so dependent on others, so hard to even move or open my eyes.
If I'm so helpless just because of this little cold, I truly doubt the power of humans.
Sure we've climbed mountains, explored oceans and even been to the moon.
But why can one little sickness make you feel that you're finally done for?

Innocence is Bliss

2008-01-20T21:15:00.000-08:00

They say ignorance is bliss, but I believe innocence is bliss. Why can't we all go back to our time of innocence? Why can't we all go back to the playground? The sandbox where color, gender, race, nothing mattered. As long as you had a shovel and pail you were accepted. The swings where your clothes didn't determine who you were. You just had to get there first and it was yours, from the count of 1-60. The slide where the only problem with each other was cooties. Then, circle circle dot dot and you had the cootie shot, fine in a second. Sure, it wasn't perfect back then either, but at least it wasn't as bad as now. Is it fair to shun someone only because of their gender, race, color, choices, religion, level of intelligence, or the many other pointless reasons we give now? Why can't we at least smile at each other regardless of who we are? Why do we treat people unfairly? Who sets the standards for "popular"? Let's try to give someone the benefit of the doubt and accept them regardless, after all it was only the bad kids who played unfair and that got time-outs.

Torn

2008-01-17T20:14:00.001-08:00

Weakness takes over, it hurts to breathe,
Every little word stings, every sneer hurts.
Torn, torn, the heart hurts more than anything.
Those glaring eyes, those mocking smiles,
Every second painfully passing by,
Torn, torn, the pain of the heart, the worst pain of all.
Tears give in to sorrow, flow silently like rivers,
Every reassuring glance is cast aside,
Torn, torn, emotionally not physically.
Body fails to move, can't feel the heart's pain,
After all it was words not blows that hit it,
Torn, torn, the heart breaks and no one ever knows.

My Very Own New Year

2008-01-12T12:07:00.000-08:00

Apart from celebrating the new year on January 1st,
I have my very own new year, a special day just for me.
January 12 is my unique day, the start of another year.
This year was my 15th year, and it came by so fast.
A birthday feels like new year for me, a time to think,
a chance not only look forward, but to look back as well.
Like the new year, I think back, what did 14 hold for me?
All of those wonderful memories, and those amazing friends.
Those priceless moments and those breathtaking experiences.
I'll never be 14 again, but will 15 have the same things in store?
Will it be just as fun, or will it be even more special than I imagined?
I know I'll have to wait, wait to see what 15 has in store for me.

Remote Control

2008-01-04T22:57:00.000-08:00

How I wish at times there could be a remote control for life.
Rewind, Forward, Stop, Pause, Play, I'd press them all.
Rewind back to those memories I wish would've lasted forever.
Forward past those memories I wish never existed.
Stop at those wonderful memories that should've never left me.
Pause at that one time when I felt I couldn't have been happier.
Play those sincerely joyous memories over and over again.
In a way, that's what my mind's for, the real remote control of life.
I can replay, forget, take in, cherish the memories inside my head.
Little files, hidden in an archive of perplexing thoughts.
Save those good ones, pull them out whenever I want to.
Delete those bad ones, store them away for forever and ever.
My own portable computer, my memories kept safe and secret.
My past, present, future, may they stay preserved in my memory for eternity.

New Year's Solace

2007-12-30T21:08:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again, another year is coming to a close and another year is beginning. Goodbye 2007, Hello 2008. But is it just the date that changes or is there a meaning to the new year? Apart from countless resolutions that somehow always manage to fail and the renowned Times Square ball drop, what is New Year? I guess the meaning varies from person to person. For some people, the start of a new year is the beginning of change and for others it's a chance to forget the past year. For me the thought of a new year is always a comfort. I sit here on the eve of New Year's Eve and am so happy to have a moment to myself. I can just think of the year to come and think of the past year as well. No matter how many downs there were, I can always find ups. 2007 holds many, many great memories for me. Part of me doesn't want to let the year go, but if it means another year filled with new memories then I can't wait for 2008. Though there's much sorrow in letting last year go, I know that the New Year will bring solace.

Rocks, Pebbles and Sand

2007-12-29T12:59:00.000-08:00

An interesting representation of life that I found, not sure of the author though:

Sometimes we forget what should always be important.

A philosophy professor stood in front of his class, picked up an empty Mayonnaise jar, and proceeded to fill it to the top with rocks with about a 2 inch-diameter. He then asked the students if it was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. The pebbles rolled into the spaces between the rocks. He asked again if the jar was full. Again the answer was yes. Picking up a box of sand, he poured that into the jar. Shaking the jar, the sand filled up the spaces left between the rocks and the pebbles.

Holding up the jar, the professor said, "This represents your life".

"The Rocks are the important things, your partner, your family, your children, your health, anything that is so important to you that if you lost it, you would nearly be destroyed."

"The Pebbles are the other things in your life that matter but on a smaller scale, like your house, your job, your car."

"The sand is everything else, the small stuff."

"If you put sand or pebbles in the jar first, there will be no room for the rocks. The same applies for life. Spending energy on small stuff, material things, will never allow room for the things that are truly important."

The Moral: Pay attention to the things that are critical in life. Play with your children, take your partner out for the evening. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party, or wash your car. Take care of the Rocks first, the things that really matter. Set the priorities. The rest is just Sand and Pebbles.

Silence

2007-12-22T19:50:00.000-08:00

Voices lingering, words stinging.
Tears falling, sobs stalling.
Heart pounding, sirens sounding.
Mind scattering, thoughts mattering.

It's all a dream, it's not what it seems.
It's all a nightmare, just a small scare.
It's all a joke, it's my heart not body that broke.
It's all a mistake, soon I know I'll be awake.

Noises swirling, and sounds whirling.
Head spinning, with hurt winning.
Dreams fading, and pain pervading.
Smile disappearing, with death nearing.

I know I'm not strong, it'll be soon before long.
The silence will move in, the silence will win.
Thinking of the nearness of death, the losing of breath.
It all seems so far away, all the pain and dismay.

Yet death is so close to us all, it may seem that the
death of another is just another story of pain.
Something that'll never come to affect us.
Yet death's the only thing we don't have in our control.

Live like there's no tomorrow, you'd
never want death to creep up on you.

Behind That Sparkling Smile

2007-12-13T23:10:00.000-08:00

The truth we all have to face is that life's tough, we all know that,
Yet everyday I see hundreds of students come to school with smiles on their faces,
Their words and tone unwavering, their attitude normal and polite,
Their faces bright and illuminated with happiness, eyes bright and wide
Many students fail to even hint a frown or an angry look at times.
Yet, inside they're all suffering, each with their very own problems.
Some of them may be greater than others, but each just as difficult to overcome.
A problem might not be life-threatening, but can still challenge a person's happiness.
As I walk through the crowd, it's hard to tell if someone just lost a special someone,
hard to tell if someone's even slept properly in their own home last night,
and even harder to tell the many people who have been so close to facing death at times.
I realize how hard people try not to let others know what they're really going through,
people don't want to trouble others with their problems, so they hide themselves.
But behind that sparkling smile, is a person trying so hard to stay happy,
Behind those bright, wide eyes, is a person trying so hard to keep from tears,
Behind that contagious laugh, is a person who's torn from the inside, but will never show it.
There are so many people out there who suffer, yet no one knows what they go through.
I realize I really can't say anything about a person until I get to truly know them.
Often times, I judge people before I think, why is she so reserved or why is he so rude?
Maybe it's because of all they have to face and there are times where they just give up.
After all, if it's hard to truly smile from the inside, from the heart, imagine how hard it is to smile when all you have is a broken heart inside.

Whenever

2007-12-12T21:51:00.000-08:00

Whenever hardships get the best of me, I try different things.
Whenever sadness crosses my path, I try to ignore it.
Whenever happiness comes my way, I rush to embrace it.
Whenever hate approaches my mind, I struggle to block it.
Whenever gratefulness shimmers in my thoughts, I accept it.
Whenever envy dares to taunt me, I manage to fight against it.
Whenever admiration hits me, I learn something new from it.
Whenever jealousy enters my system, I fail to recognize it.

Whenever appreciation flows through my veins, I savor it.

Whenever pride causes me to wander astray, I hope to conquer it.

Whenever modesty brings me back on track, I am thankful for it.

Whenever I get the best of hardships, I know I've accomplished something.

Despite the Circumstances...

2007-12-10T16:39:00.000-08:00

Last summer I went to visit some of my family in Pakistan.

If I were to describe it in one word I would have to decide

between: different and unique, I can't choose at the moment.

Pakistan is completely different from here in many, many ways.

Heavy smog, traffic jams, construction everywhere, flooding rain.

Noisy streets, thousands of people, crowded markets, mosquitoes.

Sweltering heat, constant power outages, sticky humidity, lots of fun. Wait a minute there, did I just write lots of fun? Despite everything? Cross that out, I meant to write I had tons and tons of overwhelming fun. To most people this must be a shock, but what can I say, I'm shocked too. I always thought I was going to be the picky girl who wouldn't adjust at all. But despite all the circumstances, I surprised myself in many different ways. First of all, I had more fun in that one trip than I've had in a very long time. Second of all, I realized it's not always the place you go that determines its fun. It's the people that are there that makes the place truly what it is. I overcame any doubts or uncertainties and let myself go, that's all I could do. I can't really explain why I had the experience I did, I think it's a mix of things. I know that I've never really had a family experience because I don't have much family here, but being in a place with cousins galore I realized family is just as, if not more fun than being with friends. Suddenly I didn't really have to care what people thought of me and just have fun and be myself, what was there to be afraid of? That one visit caused me to understand that sometimes that best things can happen in the most unexpected places.

Wait For You

2007-12-10T16:24:00.000-08:00

Inspirations can come from anywhere and anything.
The song, "Wait for You", inspired me to write this post.
I know I get the most random inspirations, but at least I'm inspired.
Songs, movies, books. I can't get enough of them and the never fail to amaze me.
Whether it's a soulful song, a breathtaking movie or an addictive book,
I am truly amazed by the people who work to create them.
These people manage to leave an impact with their work.
Whether they make you cry, laugh, or even scare you to death,
the works these people have created leave a lasting impact on your mind.
Just ask yourself, is there a book, song, or even movie you can relate to?
For me I can find all three and more, paintings, poems, they're all inspirations too.
You could say I'm easily inspired, but that's not true. I try to look behind
the work and time it took to create something before I criticize it.
Often times I hear people say, that movie was horrible or that song was pathetic.
But I remind myself that I don't think I could ever sing that well or make a movie that good.
This isn't just limited to movies and books, whether it's a dance, play, sport or even a speech, I find that I enjoy it much more if I think of the work it takes to do it in the first place. Just a piece of advice to some people, before you criticize or make fun of something, try to put yourself in the place of the person who created it. It just might change your views on things.

Makes Me Wonder

2007-12-09T16:20:00.000-08:00

Emotions. They're so strong that sometimes I wonder that are we controlling our own fickle emotions or are they controlling us? I see people do things out of love, hate, and even grief. It seems like it's those emotions that are telling them what to do. Instead of acting on their own, I see people using their emotions as a guide. Sometimes I feel my emotions taking over me as well. There are times where I just have to give in and I end up doing things out of fear or out of grief. I feel as if those emotions are washing over me and pulling me into their grasp. And the worst part is that I can't do anything about it, I'm weak and I stand there swaying in the wind, letting my own feelings take over my life. It takes a while, but soon I recover and I know it won't be long until those emotions come around and take over my life for another short while. It just makes me wonder how lifeless emotions can control me even more than people themselves.

Ode to My Family

2007-12-03T17:46:00.000-08:00

Here's an ode my little sister wrote for school, I
thought it was so nice, so I put it up:

Ode to my family who are always there,
The people who love me and always care.
They always comfort me in such a way,
That forever and ever I’ll never go astray.
Who wouldn’t want a family like mine,
So perfect and just truly divine?

Friends sometimes come and go and others will walk away,
But my family will never leave me any day.
They will always stay by my side,
And will never run and hide.
Who wouldn’t want a family like mine,
So perfect and truly divine?

Consequences and Regrets

2007-12-03T17:32:00.000-08:00

Imagine life without regrets. No I'm not talking about a perfect life where there is nothing to regret. I'm talking about a life where there have been many mistakes but they're nothing to regret about. They say "Life's what we make it" and as I ponder that saying even more I realize how true it is. If I've made mistakes in life, why regret them? Of course it's mandatory to learn from those mistakes so they won't repeat themselves, but why sulk about them constantly later? I've always been told to learn from the past, live for the present, and plan for the future.

I think there's a huge difference between consequences and regrets. Consequences are things that are hard to avoid after mistakes. Consequences come buy one get one free with mistakes. But regrets? I don't remember seeing regrets as part of the package deal. I guess that's just something extra to buy, but placed right next to mistakes. Sometimes we feel it's necessary to regret our mistakes, and sometimes regretting does help, but what can you do about it. They say "Don't cry over spilled milk" and I think that saying is extremely true too. Why cause yourself more pain when they're nothing you can do about what's already been done? Sometimes I just don't understand why we complicate our life so much more than necessary.

Sleep

2007-12-03T16:58:00.000-08:00

I shall make an attempt at rhyming. I love rhymes and admire Shel Silverstein and Dr. Seuss for making such amazing works that seem more like songs to sing than stories to read. I wrote this at night so obviously sleep was on my mind, I know it makes no sense at all, but here it is:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know what's so comforting about sleep.
Is it the blissful slumber or the darkened peace?
Is it the knowing feeling that soon your dreams will creep,
or is it the much awaited relaxed sigh you'll soon release?

I don't know what's so appealing about a dream.
Is it the terror-stricken nightmare or the pleasant thought?
Is it the too good to be true reality that those thoughts seem,
or is it the unexpected fear of whether you'll wake up or not?

I don't know what's so calming about rest.
Is it the relaxing feeling or the way to escape from it all?
Is it a break from life, a peaceful sensation to test,
or is it knowing that no matter how hard you try, it's still sleep in which you'll fall?

Fortune Cookies

2007-12-02T21:05:00.001-08:00

Fortune Cookies.
Is there more fun in eating those cookies
or reading that much anticipated fortune?
Is there more fun in believing in the paper,
or mocking every cryptic word it says?
Is there more fun in opening just a couple more,
or eating one, content with what's been foretold?
Is there more fun in expecting the predicted,
or letting life go, it will come when it will come?
Is there more fun in sharing all the fortunes,
or keeping each strip of paper to one's one self?
Is there more fun in watching other's reactions,
or worrying about your own surprised face?
Is there more fun in reading and writing about fortune cookies,
or opening and cracking them and then eating them one by one?

If Tomorrow Never Comes

2007-11-29T21:02:00.000-08:00

I just wrote a post about tomorrow and I found a piece that was so good I thought I'd post it too.

Don't put off until tomorrow
what you can do today.
Today is the tomorrow that
you thought about yesterday.
Have you told some one you love them,
did you show them that you care,
if they needed you,were you there?

Don't judge some one else
until you've walked in their shoes.
If you had lived their life
would you not be a different you?
Don't be slow to say you're sorry
and admit your mistakes.
If tomorrow never comes,
Would your heart not ache
for all the things you left undone
and the words you never said?
If you have some one who loves you
then you are truly blessed.

Always count your blessings
for every day you have,
and do your very best
to make every day count.
Leave happy memories
with every one you love,
so it won't hurt so much
if tomorrow never comes.

Tomorrow

2007-11-29T20:30:00.001-08:00

Often times we leave everything for tomorrow, delaying yet another day.
Often times we promise that we'll do that very lengthy chore the next day.
Often times we promise tomorrow we'll catch up and study twice as much.
Often times we say we'll make that problem right and clear it up tomorrow.
Often times we tell ourselves we'll tell that someone we love them tomorrow.
Often times we delay that important task for mom or dad just another day.
Often times we realize our mistakes, but say we'll admit them the next day.
Often times we assure ourselves that we'll build our courage in a day.
Often times we forget how much we've piled up to do on that tomorrow.
Often times we fail to realize why we couldn't do everything tomorrow.
Often times we see tomorrow come yet still say we'll do it the next day.
Often times we leave everything for the next day waiting for tomorrow.
Often times we forget to remember what if that tomorrow never comes?
Often times we forget that one day we may never live to see tomorrow again.

-"Never leave 'till tomorrow what you can do today."

The Wonderful World of Writing

2007-11-27T16:14:00.001-08:00

Lately I've been trying out different writing styles.
I find that there's always room for more learning.
Though I've pretty much established what kind of
writing I do best, I still have fun writing different.
I compare it to ice cream flavors. I know it's pretty
random but what can I say, I'm a random person.
Even though there's always that one flavor I love,
I always end up trying out a new flavor every time.
Same with writing, I sometimes write personal and
sometimes general. Sometimes my posts are happy
or thoughtful and sometimes they're deep and sad.
I realize that I write different depending on my mood,
and it's harder for me to write about my personal
experiences compared to general experiences in life.
Though it may seem odd to most people, for me writing
about writing helps my mind open and ease into the
words a bit. At first, whenever I would write, it would
be completely formal. I would make sure that everything
I wrote made sense and that the reader of that post would
be blown away by my writing. Then I would do revisions
upon revisions trying to make it the best. Soon, I realized
that this wasn't me. I wasn't writing an essay, report, or
even an article. Why did I care so much? Little by little I
adjusted to posting on a blog, and stopped caring so much
about whether people would like it or not. I started adding
more "me" into my writing, I wasn't trying to be the perfect
person I wasn't, I was writing with no second thoughts at all,
not even revising it apart from the spelling mistakes. As soon
as I did that, I found the true joy of writing. Not writing to
impress, but writing to express. I discovered much about
myself through writing. It showed me how self-conscious I was
and how it's really not that necessary. It showed me a way to
escape from everything just for a while and above all, writing
showed me that I can do anything as long I put my heart to it.
I am so happy I was introduced to the Wonderful World of Writing.

That Priceless Smile

2007-11-26T18:51:00.000-08:00

Those twinkling, sparkling eyes,
that one uplifting thumbs-up,
the really energetic high-five,
a tiny playful wink of secrecy,
a laugh at a comical joke or riddle,
that sympathetic pat on the back,
and of course that reassuring smile.
These kind and considerate everyday
gestures take little or no effort at all.
Yet their power can leave a long and
lasting impact on someone and they
can truly make someone's day better.
So why not show that priceless smile
of yours and cheer someone up for the day?

Time

2007-11-25T19:21:00.000-08:00

Time is a funny thing, it has a mind of its own.
When you least want it to, time slows down,
dragging the hours just for your pleasure.
When you least want it to, time speeds up,
flying through the days so very unexpectedly.
At times, those short five minutes feel like
a long five hours, sometimes even five days.
At times, those nine days of Thankgiving break
feel like a day, maybe even a couple hours.
Time creeps up on you, reminding you how
late you are for that appointment or meeting.
Time taunts you, reminding you how many days
you have to wait until you're done with school.
Sometimes those calenders flip through the
months with ease, usually during summer.
Sometimes those seven days you cross out
feel like a month let alone a single week.
They say time is money, yet I have to disagree.
Money is a lot of easier to control than time.
And saying that is saying alot, because money
is a very hard thing to put under your control.
Clocks, calendars, planners, datebooks, cell phones,
they're all there to help you keep track of time.
And still we manage to forget and stand there
helpless and confused, time beat us yet again.
They say those who manage their money right,
are the very successful people in life.
Yet, once again, I really have to disagree,
I say that those who manage their time right,
are the true successful people in life.

Do I Really Need More?

2007-11-24T13:25:00.000-08:00

Spending Thanksgiving in Laguna
Beach makes it hard to be appreciative.
Amazing mansions with enormous
balconies overlooking the gorgeous coastline,
Luxurious apartments with the sunlight
pouring through their massive windows,
The drive down Pacific Coast Highway
through Corona del Mar and Newport Beach,
Breathtaking views and beautiful weather
perfecting the scene, it seemed like a dream.
Yet it was a day to be thankful for what I have,
not envious of what others have.
In the midst of this perfection, reality hit me,
toppling any thoughts of yearning for more.
I thought, congratulations to all of those
people who can afford this luxurious lifestyle.
But do I really need a house with twenty more rooms than
necessary and ten extra bathrooms, not counting guest rooms?
Is it mandatory to have more clothes than the days of the year and enough water to fill up three swimming pools, not counting the indoor one?
Is it life-threatening if I don't have an in-home theater system or a water park in my backyard, not counting the tennis courts out there too?
I realize, sure it would be great to have this wealthy life
and what seems to be no worries in the world.
And if I'm just as happy in my small, comfortable house, then why would I dream of a giant mansion where the nearest family member is two stories up?

Tears

2007-11-20T13:34:00.000-08:00

There are times when the tears keep falling,

like the entire ocean is pouring down my face.

And there are times when the tears won't come,

eyelids tired of trying to cry, eyes sore from effort.

Why is it when you least want it, the tears won't stop

but when you want to cry, all you get is an empty feeling.

For some reason there are times when crying helps me

get away from everything and helps let it all out of me.

But there are the times when my tears betray me, as

hard as I try and conceal them, the more they fall.

They let the world know of my inner feelings and

the tears that once helped me, now just make it worse.

But there's always something that helps the tears, whether

they fall or not, when I write, I always feel a lot better.

So that's why I am writing, so the tears won't fall, and

instead of water pouring, my words are pouring down.

Though this post may seem meaningless to most people,

it has helped me overcome yet another obstacle in my life.

And I know this writing can help me feel better, and unlike

my tears, I hope my words on paper won't ever betray me.

Thank You Thanksgiving

2007-11-19T09:34:00.000-08:00

With Thanksgiving around the corner, everyone has been asking me what I am thankful for. One of my friends; however, asked a more complicated question. She said I know that there are so many things everyone is thankful for, but if you could only keep three things of your life - whether that be family or friends too - what would you keep? As I ponder what seems to be a simple question, I realize that I am so ungrateful for everything I have. Family and friends would be number one priority, but if I could only keep one other thing? My house, my bed, my clothes, these everyday things we complain about now seemed to be my most valuable possessions. Suddenly my house didn't seem to be too small, my bed wasn't as bad as I thought it was, and my clothes didn't need to be replaced so often. I take so many things for granted. Complaining for a new phone when my current one is perfectly fine, wanting new clothes when what I have is more than enough, and most of all comparing myself to all the people who have more than me. My parents always told me to think of those who have less than you and appreciate what you have. I guess in a place like Fountain Valley, we don't really see the true unfortunate people. As I consider what I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving, I think that I'm grateful for Thanksgiving itself. I'm glad that this simple holiday got me to realize that I should be more grateful for what I have. Thank You Thanksgiving.

No One

2007-11-15T17:47:00.000-08:00

There are times when the whole world seems to be against you.
No one is courageous enough to stand by your side.
No one is willing to be strong enough to support you.
Even your closest friends are ready to abandon you.
The ones you lived for now fail to recognize you, their backs turned.
Your confidants suddenly become your enemies.

There are times when you don't know who you are
You don't know what to do, where to go, who to trust.
You're lost, wandering in your own thoughts, no one to turn to.
You're suddenly gripped by the chillling feeling of loneliness.

There are times when these things happened to everyone.
But for me I know I'll always have someone to turn to.
I know my family will always be there for me. And I know it's
not much, but I'd like to dedicate this post to my family.
And thank them for never letting me face a sorrowful situation.

Flow

2007-11-14T20:13:00.000-08:00

As I sit here at my desk, I have no idea what I'm writing.
My fingers are gliding across the keyboard, yet they
aren't paying attention to what's being typed. There
are times when the words just flow endlessly through my
fingertips. They form beautifully and fit together perfectly.
I wish those times came often, the times when my letters
could form words and my words could form sentences, all
by themselves. Yet I still realize I write with much more
flow than when I speak. I find it a bit odd, since talking
seems so effortless. But, just watching my thoughts form in
front of me, makes me enjoy writing. As I see each thought
fit together to form an idea, it makes my mind seem more
real. I love expressing myself through speaking, I won't deny
that. But sometimes to truly feel your thoughts and express
your emotions to their fullest extent all you need is your words
and something to write them down on. I just re-read my post,
at first it made no sense, but then I realized that's just how my
thoughts are right now, trying to get the point across, but they
don't know how to.

The Hardest Thing

2007-11-02T19:08:00.000-07:00

For me, one of the hardest things to do is flat out telling someone their mistakes or shortcomings. I try to be polite and ignore people's downsides, but when it comes to friends it's hard to do. I don't want to hurt them by telling the truth but sometimes I feel that I'm hurting them more by not saying anything. For instance, one of my friends never realized that her jokes sometimes go overboard and are more offending than funny. I knew the best thing to do is to tell her how I felt and how everyone else felt about her jokes, but I just couldn't ever bring myself to do it. I felt that I conquered a giant obstacle in my life once I gathered up the courage to tell her the truth. I realized that it wasn't about me, I had to protect my friend from her unknown mistake. Once I did it, I figured out it wasn't that bad. Though my friend took it a little personally at first, she later realized that I was trying to help her and she ended up thanking me. Then she got a little mad for not telling her before and said she'd never mind anything I tell her. So everything turned out okay.
I just wanted to share this small, irrelevant story with you all. It could deal with overcoming any obstacle in life. Sometimes the best thing to do is the hardest, but all you have to do is muster enough courage to try and see what happens.
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."
You could be missing more by not trying.
-Sabrina

I Wish...

2007-10-24T20:18:00.000-07:00

I wish there wouldn't be any bad. Only good.
I wish there wouldn't be any sorrow. Only bliss.
I wish there wouldn't be any pain. Only comfort.
I wish there wouldn't be any hate. Only love.
I wish there wouldn't be any murder. Only life.
I wish there wouldn't be any jealousy. Only compassion.
I wish there wouldn't be any war. Only peace.
I wish there wouldn't be any fear. Only courage.
I wish there wouldn't be any prejudice. Only understanding.
I wish there wouldn't be any lies. Only truth.
I wish there wouldn't be any need to wish. Only reality.
I wish there wouldn't be anything left to wish for. Only utopia.

But then life wouldn't be the same.
I guess there's nothing wrong with wishing.
But then life wouldn't be the reality it is.
Sometimes it's nice to get away and dream of the prefect world.
But then life wouldn't let you go, you'd have to come back sometime.

Lost and Found

2007-10-24T20:15:00.000-07:00

Lost.
Lost in space.
Lost in time.
Lost in thought.
Lost in love.
Lost in hate.
Lost for eternity.
It's so easy to get lost,
But what about being found?

Memories into Ash

2007-10-23T21:36:00.000-07:00

Everything you own about to be devoured.
Racing against time to save all you love.
Not wanting to leave a single thing behind,
At a moment like this what's really important?

Your whole entire life condensed to one suitcase.

What would you do? What would you take?
Which photos are the most valuable?
Which letters the most important?
Would you cling to your childhood memories?
Or save all you can of your life today?

Your whole entire life condensed to one suitcase.

Would you save everything to memory?
Or photograph every last moment in your house?
Tears streaming down your face,
Can't bear to leave a single thing behind.

Your whole entire life condensed to one suitcase.

You realize how much you love that special drawing,
How meaningful that one birthday card really was.
The picture on the fridge you put up in 2nd grade,
or the teddy bear you've kept since you were five.

When all you can keep of life is a suitcase,
You realize how much everything means to you.
You understand that your house can be replaced
But those memories will turn into ash, never to appear again.

All that's left to do then is remember, remember those special things,
those special pictures, those special gifts, those special drawings,
the ones that can be brought back only by memory now.

When All You Can Do Is Hope

2007-10-16T17:07:00.000-07:00

The candle flickered for a second.
A gust of wind. Then all was dark.
It was as if hope had entered for a brief second.
As if it lit up the room of despair for a moment.

If only that hope could've stayed longer. Just a bit.
If only that hope could've lingered. Just a while more.
If only that hope could've been savored. Just for forever.
If only that hope could've been everlasting. Just for me.

There are some tough situations in life.
Situations in which the only thing to do is hope.
Hope is the only thing that gets you through them.
These situations aren't hard to find, they happen all the time.

But sometimes hope is hard to find,
it taunts you, leading you in circles.
But in reality all you have to do to find hope,
is reach into your heart's desire, and there.

Clear as day, you'll find it. You'll find hope.
All you have to do is trust your heart.

I tried my best, that should be all that matters...

2007-10-15T20:03:00.001-07:00

One of my longer posts, it might be similar to an essay. The subject is so broad and branches off into so many topics that I could probably ramble on for pages, for now I’ll just ramble on for a couple paragraphs. If you manage to read it in its entirety please comment on areas of improvement.

Competition. It's everywhere. It’s seen in offices, in classrooms and even in playgrounds. Many people believe competition to be a major factor that helped shape the advanced society we have today. I completely agree with that. If there was no competition then would we ever have better technology, better lifestyles, or better standards? No, I don’t think so. But is competition getting a little too extreme, especially on the education level? Yes, I think so.

Whenever anything is done and all the requirements checked off, there’s always one last thing, something that can never be fulfilled perfectly. That requirement is to do better. For instance, take a school project. You have done all the criteria, checked the teacher’s grading rubric, made sure everything’s in order, what’s missing? Suddenly a thought comes into your mind. What if everyone else is doing the same exact thing? I want to be original, I want the teacher to like mine the best. The project would already receive a 100% just the way it is, but that one last requirement is missing. Once you perfect an already perfect project, it’s time to turn it in. You walk into the classroom, proud of all your extra efforts, the countless hours you’ve spent; proud of the feeling of just knowing yours’ is going to be the best. Suddenly, you stop dead in your tracks. You come out of your self-confident bubble and look around you. Gape in awe at the amazing works of others. Suddenly that bubble, the one that contained confidence, reassurance, pride, pops, and is transformed into a bubble of longing to have done better, despair, and disappointment.

Many of us can agree to this feeling, the one where we put out ‘life and soul into something, whether it’s when we do a spectacular project, accomplish an unbelievable goal in sports, or even work hard get an expensive new cell phone. Pride and confidence turned into despair and disappointment. Thinking you have the best when someone out there has better. It could just be high standards set by you or maybe the high standards set by society itself. According to Darwin’s Theory of Evolution, it is human nature to compete, but all competition should have limits right? No competition should cause someone to lose their self-esteem or lose value in them self.

This is just one simple example of what competition causes. It could be in sports, school, clothes, cell phones, anything. We are now living in a society completely absorbed by competition, good and bad. I hope we can keep the competition that motivates us to do better and get rid of the competition that demotes us and causes us to feel nowhere near perfection. As for now, I guess I’ll have to keep up with this ever changing world of striving to do better.

What makes us who we are?

2007-10-07T22:53:00.001-07:00

What makes us who we are?
Is it our picky taste?
Or our varying outlook on life?
Is it the way we dress?
Or is it the way we carry ourselves?
Is it our passionate dreams and goals?
Or our miserable nightmares and defeats?
Is it our deepest darkest secrets and desires?
Or is it our most upfront words and actions?
Is it the way you think of others?
Or is it the way you think of yourself?
Is being you the normal thing to do?
Or is it the one thing you have to work at most?
Is it all of the above and much more?
Or is it none of the above and something completely different?
What really makes us who we are?
Is it individuality or is it fitting in?
We are what we make ourselves ... who do you want to be?

The Sky Is Falling

2007-10-01T17:53:00.000-07:00

If you turned on CNN and pictures were flashing of the sky falling, or the universe ending, would you believe it? Probably not, right. But consider this, when H.G. Wells's War of the of the Worlds was first broadcasted live on the radio, people ran screaming out of their houses, believing that aliens really had taken over the world. As ridiculous as it seems, people do believe things like that, even now. It all depends on the reliability of the source. The media, whether it be television, the radio, or even the newspaper has such an unthinkable impact on society today. If TMZ.com says Brangelina broke up, the majority of the world would believe it. Okay, maybe we've come far enough to doubt celebrity gossip, but people believe pretty much everything else. Wikipedia.org, a mostly reliable source, even has an article on reliable sources, what to trust and what not to trust. But what if one day these reliable sources weren't so reliable? How would we know? We put our faith into the reputation of the source and put our faith in an unbiased source. I just realized what a big responsibility it is to write a newspaper article. At first it seemed like, whatever, just write it, who cares about the details. But facts matter so much in public sources like these, even one minute error can tarnish the reputation of the whole newspaper. Being able to portray your thoughts to the public comes with a big responsibility, next time I write an article, I hope that I'll be able to take that into utmost consideration

-Sabrina

Life Goes On

2007-09-23T22:30:00.000-07:00

Thousands of people die everday, Hundreds lose everything they own,
and life goes on.
Children are orphaned in a matter of seconds, Families torn apart day by day,
and life goes on.
Millions starve to death, Others live months without water,
and life goes on.
Countless emotions disregarded, Endless numbers of hearts broken,
and life still goes on.
Shelters destroyed no place to live, Nations divided brother against brother,
and why does still life go on?

People can be shattered, broken into pieces by hate, and life can still go on.

But there are some people out there whose lives can't go on without us.

"Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company we work for, or school we go to could easily replace us in a matter of days, but the family we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives? Live life for those who matter... you'll never know when you'll miss them."

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world." -Anonymous

Are you living life for those who really matter? Are you grateful for the people that really who love you? Think about those people, the ones whose lives really can't go on without you.

-Sabrina

More Than Just Extra Credit

2007-09-19T23:18:00.000-07:00

When Mr. Fitzpatrick told our class we would get extra credit by attending some peer court for two hours after school, almost everyone was up for it. Like all the typical AP kids, we just wanted the extra credit, not even caring how we got it. Making frantic phone calls to our parents, we told them to pick us up two hours later. We didn't even know what we were going to do for two hours, but all that mattered at the moment was the extra credit.

The final bell for sixth period rang. Finally school was over. Time for, what was it called again? Oh yeah, peer court. Paranoid thoughts rushed through our minds, What if every one's there already? What if there's not enough room? Worst of all, what if we don't get the extra credit? In the midst of our running to room 307 to make sure there weren't already the maximum 100 people there, we stopped. We joked of our previous thoughts, dismissing them immediately. As we began walking again, our strides shortened and our worries vanished. Laughing at ourselves for being silly, now we thought, Why were we running? It's not like there are going to be so many people lined up for this, it's only extra credit, right? Wrong. Very wrong. As we turned and saw room 307, shock replaced the worry that had only a few minutes ago embedded itself in our minds. There were somewhat fifty to sixty students already lined up. Students of all grade levels, all different classes. Waiting, waiting to get inside, waiting for peer court to begin. Slowly we began to realize that maybe this peer court thing is more than just extra credit. Still unsure of why there were so many people and what peer court was, we lined up, sobering ourselves for a moment. This seemed official, really official. There was a security guard to make sure there was no cutting, and teachers at the door, counting students. New thoughts flashed across our minds, What are we doing here? Do we even know what this is? Uh-oh! Before we knew it, Ms. Hurst, counted us, gesturing us to go in. We realized it was too late, no turning back now.

Inside, peer court was a whole new story. We signed in and walked nervously to the nearest empty seats. The court began with a warning, no cell phones were permitted to be on during the session and that once you enter, you cannot leave until the court is dismissed. My friends and I looked at each other, lines of anxiety creased our faces. As the judge walked in, we were told to stand. More nervous than ever, we uneasily sat down again and waited for peer court to begin. It turned out that it was a real court, and we were going to hear real cases, of real students like us. Yeah, real. This whole time peer court had seemed like a game, a movie, some fake show on T.V. And were we wrong. Three cases were to be trialed, the victims had already confessed their crimes. Volunteer jurors were asked to participate in the jury. The jury was to decide a recommended punishments for the victims. The judge asked those who wished to participate to rise. Subconsciously, we stood up, there was no harm in trying. Most of the details of the court were confidential, but if I were to summarize everything in one word, it would be, unforgettable. Being on the jury allowed me to experience peer court's purpose to the fullest extent. It wasn't just an easy way to spend two hours, but a time to realize the reality of life. True cases of teenagers just like us were presented and the punishments were just as real. I realized that peer court was a time where we were given the opportunity to be involved in our community, to truly see what's going on around us. I actually enjoyed what I did, happy that the victim I had helped try, realized their mistake. It was only my first peer court, but I felt as if I'd been doing this forever. When peer court was finally dismissed, my friends and I had new thoughts on our minds. Yes, we think a lot. This time it was, That was so cool. I can't wait for the next peer court. We really have to get there earlier next time. I don't want to barely make it.

That was the story of how my friends and I spent two hours, from three to five, after school. The story of how sometimes something that is completely bizarre to you at first, can have a lasting impact on you, as long as you are willing to try it out. Our reason to go there in the first place was extra credit. But any thoughts of extra credit were long replaced with the new thoughts and memories of our first experience in peer court. If there is one thing I can surely say from this experienec is that I know I will definitely go there next time. Extra credit or not.

-Sabrina

Life... and Its Purpose...?

2007-09-17T21:58:00.000-07:00

What makes you live life the way you do? What motivates you to make the sacrifices you make? Most of all what drives you to take the risks you take? Is there a sole purpose for all the decisions we make in life?

Only in high school, we're already given the burdening responsibility of determining the path of our entire life. At such a young age, our minds are a tangled web of questions, possible answers, and opinions, not fully matured. Yet, we're still expected to make the choice, the choice of what to do with our lives. There's no arguing with why we're given this responsibility, I guess I'll have to settle with: that's just the way our society functions today. But there's always the question of why we make certain decisions. Why do we strive so hard in certain areas and give up so easily in others? Why is it that it's so easy to make the wrong the choice, yet so difficult to come up with the right one? Is there even a right or wrong choice? For an inquisitive mind, the questions are eternal and the answers, cryptic. It's always nice to find one answer to satisfy the mind's endless queries.

Even though it's not possible to find a sole solution, is it possible to find a single purpose? I believe that if we truly think about it and search the depths of our heart, we'll find a purpose. I find my purpose in life to gain and share what I gain. Not only gaining materialistically but to gain any good in life. Whether it's gaining knowledge, personality, respect, trust, hope, love, happiness, even criticism, I find that's what sustains me. There are many answers that can never be found in life, but just knowing the fact that I'm gaining something good, keeps me moving. The fact that I can share what I gain is even better and what keeps me wanting to keep on moving.

And that's my purpose in life, the sole reason that drives my judgement and causes me to make the decisions I do. I just wanted to share some food for thought with you all and unburden myself from the few of the many questions that cloud my mind.

-Sabrina

Confused...

2007-09-16T14:57:00.000-07:00

This is my first time using a blog... ever. So apart from being completely fascinated, I'm utterly confused. I'm not sure if I'm even doing this right, but it's worth a try. I know we're supposed to use this as a journal type thing but that's about it. So, I'll start with what I do know how to do. Today's Sunday, probably the worst day of the weekend because it's the last day. I don't know how it crept up on me so fast, but all I have ahead of me is a pile of homework and a long, busy week of school. I always fail to understand how I manage to waste two days and leave all my work for one night. The only homework I've done so far is create a blog for Baron Banner. So I'll leave it at that. A pretty boring post, but I hope to do better when I have more time... and less work.

-Sabrina