Tears and Rain

Tears and Rain.
Why did the rain go away?
It hasn't washed away all the grief yet.
It hasn't even wiped out the world's sorrows.
Why did it go away quicker than it came?
I was waiting for the raindrops.
Waiting for them to leave their pure trails behind.
The rain is gone. All I have left are tears.
Why are the tears still here?
The tears that cleanse my soul.
The tears that rid my heart of hatred.
Why don't I appreciate these tears enough?
I was dreading these teardrops.
Dreading that they'd give my true feelings away.
The rain has gone. But the tears are still here.

"The rain reminds the earth that nature is
alive and tears remind the body that the soul
is still alive."- Anoymous

Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

I walk outside to see a flaming ball of red. I can't believe it's the sun. Every breath I take is choked up with the scent of ashes. Fire, Fire go away and don't come back another day. Return the sky to its normal hue and take your dreaded ashes away with you. These horrible ashes. They're the remains of burnt memories. The remains of love, hope, dreams and everything in between.

So many of my friends have become homeless overnight. Others fleeing for their lives. How can you be so cruel? Your scorching flames have no mercy. Your choking smoke has no compassion. I sit here and pray for those who have no more hope. I sit here and hope for those who can do nothing but pray.

In these times all I can remember is the last verse of a nursery rhyme: "Ashes, ashes, we all fall down."

Why?

Why are you always better than me?
Why do your achievements always shadow mine?
Why aren't I good enough?
Why is everything I do no surprise?
Why am I so nice to you when I know you'll stab me
as soon as I turn around?
Why am I so honest to you?
Why is it I know you lie yet never say anything?
Why haven't I told you how much I hate your lies?
Why don't I have the courage to stand up to you?
Why do you think I have no heart?
Why don't you understand I, too, cry at night?
Why are you so stubborn?
Why do I always give in?
Why can't I control myself anymore?
Why am I having more and more regrets?
Why? Why? Why?
Why can't I be who I want to be?

JV Tennis Makes it to League

Something I forgot to publish, I found it today faithfully waiting for me in my drafts. Thanks Rachel McMillen for your edits and advice on how to write a sports blog!

JV Tennis Makes it to League

On November 5, Fountain Valley's junior varsity team competed in the league semi-finals at Edison. Ranked fourth in the league, the FV girls played against some of the best girls in Orange County, including girls from Esperanza, Los Alamitos, Newport Harbor, Edison and Marina.

FV started out with 6 spots total, three doubles and three singles. Unfortunately though, they lost 3 spots after the first round. Doubles players Alaa Abu-Adas (’10), Lillian Pham (’10), Kinsey Brose (’10) and Komal Ram (’11) as well as singles player Julie Le (’10) put up a good fight, but it wasn't enough to beat Newport Harbor, Los Alamitos or Edison.

Doubles players Tiffany Le (’11) and Darlene Tieu (’11) had better luck though, beating Newport Harbor 8-7 and moving into Round 2. Singles player Marian Bhan (’11) won a close match against Newport Harbor and Tran Phan (’10), also a singles player, crushed Marina 8-1. Both players also moved into Round 2.

Round 2 was tough and unfortunately the Barons’ singles could not beat the Griffins singles to win the semi-finals.

However, across the court Le and Tieu were victorious in both their doubles matches against Esperanza, the top school in league. Scoring 6-2 in the first match and 6-3 in the second one, the doubles team ensured their spot in the finals tomorrow.

The girls did their best and though they were fourth in league, they beat many players from the top three schools. The girls JV team hasn't had a final spot in league for years so it will make for some very exciting matches.

Election 2008

The election's tomorrow.
Who will I vote for?
I frankly do not care who wins.
I don't care who runs this country.
Call me ignorant. Call me what you want.
That still won't make me care.
Why?
Because I want someone who will help me.
I want someone I can believe in.
Someone who won't let me down.
Someone who can really bring change.
Change. Change. That's all I've heard.
Stop telling me what you WILL do, show
me what you ARE doing.
I want someone who will end world hunger.
Someone who can stand up to cancer.
Go on with the war, taking lives is easy,
it's all you know how to do.
Ever tried saving them?
I want someone to cure our country of its
worst disease - hatred.
Someone who will fight for me.
Someone who can put a smile on every
orphan's face.
Have you ever thought the millions you
spend on your campaign can be used to
save lives?
I want someone who's strong enough to say
the truth.
Someone who will stand up when all have fallen.
I'm tired of your lies, do you honestly expect me
to believe you?
Maybe I expect too much.
But look who I'm expecting it from?
If the head of the country has the power
to destroy thousands of innocent lives,
then he has the power to save thousands
more.
If he can afford to waste billions on war,
he can spend billions on alleviating poverty.
Go ahead. Call me what you want.
But I have my own reasons for not
supporting either candidate.

Not Again.

Here I am posting on my blog at two in the morning.
Why do some things never change?
I try not to procrastinate. I really do.
But something's not working because four hours before school,
I still have four subjects worth of homework left.
I envy people who manage their time well.
I know I can accomplish so much more if only I organize myself.
Sigh Well I should stop complaining on my blog and start working.
I'm am not looking forward to the rest of my junior year.

Exhausted.

It was no joke when people told me junior year was the hardest year of high school. It's been four days and I'm already exhausted. But on the bright side, there's only 176 more to go. 176 more days of homework, tests and quizzes in every single class. Despite all that I amaze myself.

How easily I give in to procrastination. I can already see that I have to change my habits quick or suffer. It's 9:00 and I haven't started any of my homework yet. What am I doing instead? Updating the Baron Banner blogs. Posting some random post on my blog. Reading random news on Yahoo. I really should get to work. But why is procrastination still so tempting?

school.is.finally.over.

Rainy Day

It's a spectacular day in May.
Yet here I am sitting inside,
gazing longingly out the window.
Silently watching the raindrops
as they leave their perfect mark.
Each beautiful in its own way.
Coming down to wash all the
Earth's sorrows and grief away.
Each drop brings another bit of
hope, of change, for a better day.
Nature's lovely way to clean and
sustain itself every now and then.
I forget all about missing the sun.
There's always so much to wish for,
but there's even more to appreciate.
So instead of praying for the sun,
I choose to go out in the rain.

Empty

Empty.
There's nothing left.
No happiness or peace
No sorrow or grief either .
Not a bit of comfort.
Not a hint of torment.
Nope, there's nothing there.
Try and fill it with love, hope, anything.
Try and fail.
For there's one little tear in that heart's lining.
Now there's no chance for keeping anything anymore.
And what's worse than a heart full of pain?
A heart full of hate maybe?
No, it's an empty heart.
That's what hurts more than anything.

Going Away

Something a friend of mine wrote, it really touched me:

I never knew how much I'd regret going away. Senior year of high school that's all I wanted. I just wanted to go as far as I possibly could. How I wish I had been a bit more thoughtful. If only I knew how much I meant to you. As an only child, I didn't have any siblings to miss,and I didn't mind leaving you both behind.

To tell you the truth mom and dad that's why I left. We always had our differences, for me they were too much to handle, but you always said that wasn't true. How was I supposed to know you would leave me? How was I to know I would never see you both again. I thought I'd leave and time would fix everything. I guess time got ahead of me, taking you both away before our wounds even had the chance to heal. I planned to come back soon, but I was too late.

I'm sorry for not understanding, I'm sorry for leaving. I was the only light of your eyes, the only pride of your lives. And I left you both alone to pursue my own life and dreams. It was only later that I discovered your true pride in me. The way you secretly boasted to your friends about your perfect daughter. Yet you never wanted me to be vain, so you never said anything to me. And now you both are gone forever, never to come back.

Is this how you felt when I left you that one September day? Oh mom, who will scold me for not working hard enough now? Oh dad, who will remind me to always do the best I possibly can? I misunderstood your constant advice and encouragement as constant disappointment and weariness of me, if only I knew. Will you ever forgive me? I never meant to hurt you both.

I pray that every child will realize how much their parents love them. Though it may not seem like it at times, they're always proud of you. They say one can never truly appreciate something until its gone. Please treasure your parents while you can and take my experience as advice. I hope no one ever has to go through the regret I feel every day.

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,
Where have you gone? It's now I need you most. I need someone to listen, someone to understand. Your comforting pages, your perfect lines. Where are they now? You were my shelter in the storm, my candle in the dark. So where are you? Have you given up on me too? Am I that hopeless that you've deserted me like everyone else? You were there through thick and thin, through day and night, keeping my every secret safe. But why have you chosen now to disappear? Was my frustration too strong for your pages? Were my tears too many for you to absorb? Were my words too mixed up for your perfection? Were my thoughts too confusing for you understand? I'll try to do better, I promise you I will. Just give me another chance.

Faultlessly Ignorant

You say I’m different. I know that perfectly well. You say I’m oppressed. I say I’m protected. You say I have no rights. I say I am freer than free. You pity me. I don’t need your sympathy. You scorn me. I will never understand why. You whisper and glare. I only raise my head higher. You stare judging only what you see. I’m not surprised by your reaction.

You say you know everything. I say you will never understand. You say I can never be one of you. I am completely fine with that. You believe there is a huge difference between us. I think otherwise. You say I’ll always be an outcast. I’ve already chosen and know people will always treat me differently. You do not understand my choices. I cannot explain to you the virtue of modesty. You do not understand the strength of my belief. I know what you think of it. You say I’m a slave of misery. I say I’m a daughter of liberty. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I now know why you misunderstand.

You only believe what you’ve been taught. I too follow my own beliefs. You with your misunderstandings and stereotypes. I with my different faith and actions. You think we can never get along. I ask the simple question: Why? You think you know all about me. I think differently. You do not know me yet. I know it’s hard for you to try. You will never get past my differences. I will only try to make you understand.

You cannot see how I could have chosen my belief. I know it’s easier for you to think I’ve been forced upon it. You repel my attempts to explain. I only persist in making you see. You can’t accept that your presumptions are wrong. I understand your confusion. You’ve been told something else. I tell you a completely different story. You don’t know who to believe. I try to make this easier. You do not see from my perspective. I cannot force you to understand me. You only understand what you want to hear. I cannot do anything about that. You won’t even try to understand anymore. I have so much to tell you, if only you’d listen. You walk away, content with your own assumptions of me. I sigh and hope that one day you will understand I have chosen who I want to be.

What is Love?

Love is hate. Love is passion.
Love is blind. Love is all-seeing.
Love is deaf. Love is all-hearing.
Love is agony. Love is yearning.
Love is pain. Love is comfort.
Love is torture. Love is relief.
Love is weak. Love is valiant.
Love is grief. Love is happiness.
Love is sorrow. Love is joy.
Love is tears. Love is laughter.
Love is shapeless. Love is unique.
Love is many. Love is one.
Love is revolting. Love is beautiful.
Love is yours. Love is mine.

Silent Dreams

All those beautiful wishes you kept inside,
You thought they were too embarrassing to tell.
All those special hopes you'd always hide,
You were too shy to come out of that shell.

All those unique memories you stowed away,
I guess they were too overwhelming for you to show.
All those times you thought it would never be okay,
You must have thought that nobody would ever know.

You didn't know there was someone who cared,
Someone who heard your silent dreams, your soundless calls.
You didn't know there was someone who wished you had shared,
Someone who broke through your mind's impregnable walls.

Remember the friend who never minded what you thought,
The friend who blindly followed you, trusting your quiet pleas.
It was always a true friendship, not love, that you sought,
For the one who who truly cares, is the only one that sees.

Helpless

Well I guess it's that time of year again.
Everyone's coughing and sneezing, temperatures rising.
Unfortunately, I'm one of those helpess victims.
Attacked by some sort of viral army that's taking over my body.
It's at times like this I realize how helpless I am.
I have the ability to conquer my fears and choose what's right and wrong.
I feel so powerful as a human being, the highest race on this planet.
Yet one little cold can turn this powerful creature into a helpless mess.
I become so dependent on others, so hard to even move or open my eyes.
If I'm so helpless just because of this little cold, I truly doubt the power of humans.
Sure we've climbed mountains, explored oceans and even been to the moon.
But why can one little sickness make you feel that you're finally done for?

Innocence is Bliss

They say ignorance is bliss, but I believe innocence is bliss. Why can't we all go back to our time of innocence? Why can't we all go back to the playground? The sandbox where color, gender, race, nothing mattered. As long as you had a shovel and pail you were accepted. The swings where your clothes didn't determine who you were. You just had to get there first and it was yours, from the count of 1-60. The slide where the only problem with each other was cooties. Then, circle circle dot dot and you had the cootie shot, fine in a second. Sure, it wasn't perfect back then either, but at least it wasn't as bad as now. Is it fair to shun someone only because of their gender, race, color, choices, religion, level of intelligence, or the many other pointless reasons we give now? Why can't we at least smile at each other regardless of who we are? Why do we treat people unfairly? Who sets the standards for "popular"? Let's try to give someone the benefit of the doubt and accept them regardless, after all it was only the bad kids who played unfair and that got time-outs.

Torn

Weakness takes over, it hurts to breathe,
Every little word stings, every sneer hurts.
Torn, torn, the heart hurts more than anything.
Those glaring eyes, those mocking smiles,
Every second painfully passing by,
Torn, torn, the pain of the heart, the worst pain of all.
Tears give in to sorrow, flow silently like rivers,
Every reassuring glance is cast aside,
Torn, torn, emotionally not physically.
Body fails to move, can't feel the heart's pain,
After all it was words not blows that hit it,
Torn, torn, the heart breaks and no one ever knows.

My Very Own New Year

Apart from celebrating the new year on January 1st,
I have my very own new year, a special day just for me.
January 12 is my unique day, the start of another year.
This year was my 15th year, and it came by so fast.
A birthday feels like new year for me, a time to think,
a chance not only look forward, but to look back as well.
Like the new year, I think back, what did 14 hold for me?
All of those wonderful memories, and those amazing friends.
Those priceless moments and those breathtaking experiences.
I'll never be 14 again, but will 15 have the same things in store?
Will it be just as fun, or will it be even more special than I imagined?
I know I'll have to wait, wait to see what 15 has in store for me.

Remote Control

How I wish at times there could be a remote control for life.
Rewind, Forward, Stop, Pause, Play, I'd press them all.
Rewind back to those memories I wish would've lasted forever.
Forward past those memories I wish never existed.
Stop at those wonderful memories that should've never left me.
Pause at that one time when I felt I couldn't have been happier.
Play those sincerely joyous memories over and over again.
In a way, that's what my mind's for, the real remote control of life.
I can replay, forget, take in, cherish the memories inside my head.
Little files, hidden in an archive of perplexing thoughts.
Save those good ones, pull them out whenever I want to.
Delete those bad ones, store them away for forever and ever.
My own portable computer, my memories kept safe and secret.
My past, present, future, may they stay preserved in my memory for eternity.